Chapter 1.

Why is it that when I try to do something right, it turns out wrong?

                My mother was in the kitchen one morning and she was making eggs. I had offered to help. I burned the eggs. She yelled at me. I went to school.

                When I get to school, I talk to my friends to see what they did last night. I arrive at Hailey’s side just as she’s telling our other friends what she did. “It was too amazing, words can’t describe it.” “Describe what?” as I ask this the entire group stares at me. I hate being stared at, especially by my friends. 10 eyes just looking at me, I felt naked. Eryn says, “She ‘did it’ last night with Tim.” “Oh, ok,” I was in shock at that. She continues, “It also felt warm, our bodies close as can be like that just made my heart race. Also since he wasn’t allowed to be at my house was just so, dangerous.” A few oo’s and ahh’s went on.  I didn’t want to hear anymore so I told them I’d catch them later and walked away.

 I ran into Harry before the first bell rang for first block. “Hey Charlie!” he said as he was walking towards me. “Hi, Harry,” I say back. “Have any plans tomorrow night? There’s this really cool concert that’s going on and everyone’s going to be there, thought maybe you and I should go.” I hesitated but said, “Sure, okay, sounds fun. What time does it start?” “Seven and runs till I don’t know, you know how concerts are. I’ll pick you up after your swimming thing. My brother is working backstage and can get us in to meet the bands playing. Plus I was thinking of going with some other friends out after if you want to go I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” “Okay, thanks.” I heard the bell ring, “So I’ll see you later?” “Yeah, later.” He waved and went in the opposite direction I was going to class.

As I sat down at my desk in math, I pulled out my homework and set it on top of my books. I hear a person next to me say, “oh oh look, Charlie has already got her homework out, aren’t you a Ms. Goodie Two Shoes. Do you try to tell the world you’re a smarty pants?” It was Cody, he hated me since the fifth grade when I won the science fair. “Shut the fuck up Cody,” I growl. I could always count on Cody to make my day bad. He just needed to get over the past.

When the teacher collected the homework she complimented the class for everyone turning in their work then began the days lesson. It was algebra or geometry. Slope. I was normally good at that, with the mx+b and shit like that. So I didn’t pay attention that block. I just let my mind wonder.

I was thinking about a lot of things, asking questions mostly. What if I hadn’t burned the eggs this morning? Would mom have wished me a good day at school? What will happen tomorrow at the concert? Will the band be good like Harry said? He’s usually right when it comes to music of my taste, and what if we do meet the band? They better be cool. What are we going to do after the concert? Probably do the same thing we always did. Snort some or do a joint and ‘do it’ as Eryn would say, he always cracks me up. What about after? I don’t think my parents cared if I stayed at his house. They never cared about anything I did. My big brother did though. He never loved me the same after that summer when I ‘changed,’ changed as in lost my virginity to a guy that just moved away right after. Of course I didn’t like it since I was practically in love with him, but I got over it. Will people notice if I wear blue socks tomorrow?

“Charlie?” I was suddenly brought back to the present. “Do you know the answer to number 5?” Mrs. Kaley asked me this in a concerned tone as I read her face. I said 4 and she said that I was right. She’s usually a nice teacher. ‘Just try’ in her class and you’ll do fine. I always did. At that time i looked at the clock and it said I had minutes left of class. I didn’t keep my eyes off the clock till the bell rang. I picked up my books and went to my locker.

 Stephanie was by my locker and saw me and started talking. “Did you hear what Hailey and Tim did last night!?” “Yeah, and I don’t care.” A blank look came on her face, “Well I don’t either but still, isn’t that crazy? She’s only 14 and already having,” her voice became a whisper, “sex, she’s out of her mind.” “Uhuh, yeah,” with that Stephanie just walked off to greet other people. Stephanie was one of those girls that was the angel in everyone’s eyes. Academically, her and I were alike, great grades. But everything else, we had nothing in common. She went to church everyday to pray while I went to bass guitar lessons. She prayed at night before she went to bed. I blasted 3OH!3 in my ears while I lay in bed trying to go to sleep. She followed the rules, I lied about following the rules. Even though we didn’t have much to talk about, we considered each other friends.

Second block was more boring as first. The standard for the English AP class was to read 15 books out of the 20 books on the list. All we did was read all period. I had read all twenty books. Some twice. Mr. Connors said that since I had read them and done the tests for them it could be my free period. Of course freedom comes with a price; I had to run all his errands. It wasn’t much of a big deal but it still annoyed me.  Today he didn’t have any errands for me to run so he let me walk around the building-with a pass-and told me to be back 5 minutes before class ended. That gave me an hour and twenty five minutes.

There were two floors, each having six classrooms on one side.  I could probably walk both halls in 10 minutes. I would walk extra slow to double the time. And so I did. I counted the tiles that ran from one end to the other. “16, 17, 18, 19…” by the time I hit 25 tiles I saw my locker and I noticed that there was a note sticking out half way. I pulled it out. It was from Harry. “Charlie, meet me outside for lunch gonna go smoke some. –Harry” I crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it in the trash. I told myself that I shouldn’t smoke with him, that I’d watch. “31, 32, 33…” But what if he tells me to? What if he insists that I take a drag with him? “45, 46, 47, 48…” Whatever happens, happens.  I was on the second floor when I saw that I had over a half an hour left. I went back to my locker to organize things to keep me busy. I threw away the scraps of paper that people used to write me notes. I would get tons a day and have to take them home to read them. When I got to school the next day I would stuff them in my locker and not worry about them.  Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. I glanced at the clock to see I had 20 minutes left.  At that same moment I saw that someone was staring at me. I’ve never seen him before but he just kept staring at me. I said hi but he said nothing and walked away. He was wearing a light blue V-neck, black skinny jeans, with a white belt, and a pair of black vans. Since childhood I had a little bit of photographic memory. His hair was straightened and was a chocolate brown. If I saw him again I’d recognize him. It all seemed suspicious. Was he looking at me this whole time? Following me? A sudden blanket of paranoia covered me and my forehead began to sweat. Another glance at the clock. Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. And it was time for me to go back to class. I wiped the sweat off my face and walked swiftly to class.

Coming back into class everyone was in exactly the same place when I left; sitting, reading, some sleeping, texting, maybe even a call, or listening to music. Nothing had changed except the time. The bell rang shortly after and I headed to lunch to meet Harry.

When I greeted him he asked if I got his note, “Yeah, I did.” “Thought so, I kinda knew you were going to be hanging around the halls second block.” “Oh. Okay cool.” He looks around to see if any teachers are around. There’s none in site. He then pulls out 2 little objects. Hands one to me one and lights it, then lights his own. As we take a drag he glances at me. I look up at him. We took a long drag before we put them out. He looked at me again and then started kissing me. He pushed me against the wall. It felt good. We started making out. For what seemed like hours to us someone by us cleared their throat. I immediately pulled my tongue out of his mouth and looked at the person.

It was Lindsey. “Can you two please restrain yourselves at this time? I’m trying to eat here. Charlie, are you coming to swim practice tonight?” I tried to speak but my mouth seemed dry, I swallowed then answered, “Yeah, wouldn’t miss it.” “Then I’ll see you there, later guys,” after she said that she did a nod then walked to the trash and dumped the rest of her lunch in it.

When she left I felt eyes on me. I looked up at Harry and he said, “So I’ll catch you later?” I nodded. “Call you after swim practice.” “Okay, later.” As he left I watched him for a bit. Then went to sit by Eyrn. He was talking to some girl about football. “…and then I threw the ball and made a touchdown!” he said with enthusiasm. I couldn’t help it, I had to say it. “Too bad it was during warm up.” The girl looked at him, and he shrugged. She picked up her lunch and left.  “Man Charlie, why do you have to ruin it?” “Sorry, I just couldn’t help it. You’re not even on the team!” I looked at his lunch; a sandwich with at least 3 kinds of meat, 2 types of cheese, and a big piece of lettuce. I turned my head to him, “You’re actually going to eat that?” I asked in astonishment. “Hell yeah, it’s what keeps me buff. That and lifting weights.” He made his arms flex as he said this. He wasn’t too muscular. But he wasn’t thin as bone either. I squeezed his biceps for his amusement. “Or at least attempt to lift weights.” I giggled, he smiled. After a pause he asked, “What are you doing later?”  I looked at him casually. “Well, I have swimming, and then Harry was going to call me. I think that’s it.” I smiled. He said, “Cool, you want to catch a movie later then? I mean, after swim and you talk with Harry?” “Yeah, sounds fun,” I say with a grin. “I’ll pick you up at eight then?” “Sure, sure. See you then.”  I get up just as the bell rings and rush to my 3 block.

One of my nightmares.

Locker room. Me. 35 skinny girls. In underwear. Guys would have a field day, but I’m having the exact opposite feeling. People say I’m thin. Too thin actually, but I don’t see it. I look fat every time I see myself in the mirror. I changed as quickly as possible; making sure no one was looking. When I head out to the gym we do exercises. And play basketball. I have the worst aim. And I trip all the time. So the team already knows to keep the ball away from me. Luckily gym runs by fast. I change to my regular clothes as fast as I had changed out of them.

When the other girls were outside waiting for the bell to ring I looked at myself in one of the full length mirrors. Short, but gangly. Dark brown hair. My eyes are a violet. It’s strange how very few people had purple eyes, really nobody did. They were so dark that they could go as brown too.  Porcelain skin practically. I don’t really have a sense of style, I buy whatever fits and if I’m lucky, people like it. I wonder if that’s how I got my friends. I’m not pretty. There are way more prettier girls than me.

Final block.

Thank god. Last block then I’m free. The best part of it is its study hall and I see all my friends. The worst part is I’m still stuck in a classroom.  The way we’re seated is frightening. I’m in the middle. Harry behind me, Eryn in front. Hailey to my left, and Lindsey to my right. I hate being the center of attention. Good thing Tim is in the class to so that keeps Hailey busy. Lindsey’s reading some book that looks pretty long.

I can feel Harry playing with my hair. Making it tickle the back of my neck. I lightly slap his hand to make him stop and he grabs it and kisses it then resumes to playing with my loose ends but restrains from the tickling.

Eryon is passing me notes. “Hey.” I fold the note back up “Hello. What’s up?”. “Nothing much, what movie do you want to see?” “Dunno, what’s playing?” “There’s this new gore movie, I forget what its called but it should be full of kool-aid and shit like that. Or there’s this action one with Harrison Ford like a person steels his identity and crap.” “I’ll go for the Ford one, I don’t like it when people see my grossed out face.” “Aw, why? Does fake blood make you hyperventilate or something?” “No, it just makes me gag. Sometimes stuff comes out.” “Fine, we’ll see the action one.” “Sounds like a plan.”

Harry eye’s the note in my hands and leans forward and whispers in my ear, “What are you two talking about?” I shiver runs down my spine. “Just what movie we’re going to see later nothing exciting.” Harry was taken aback by this. “You’re going to a movie with HIM?” “Yes, he’s my friend too.” “I know, I know. I just don’t like to see you with other guys. Makes me mad.” “Why would it make you mad? You shouldn’t be mad; you think I DO anything with the guys I hang out with?” “Well no but-” “But nothing, really you shouldn’t worry about me too much.” “I can’t help it.” I give him a kiss on the cheek. I never liked fighting with Harry, loved him too much.

The bell rang and we left in a hurry. I rode the bus with Lindsey so her mom could give me a ride to swimming. On the bus ride Lindsey seemed spectacle of me. “Who do you like more? Harry? Or Eryon?” “What?! What kind of question is that? I like Harry more, you know that.” “I know, I know. But sometimes I just see the way Eryon looks at you and sometimes when you look at him. It’s almost as if you two are hiding something.” “Well we’re not!” I snapped. “I would never do anything to hurt Harry. You know that, or at least I thought you did.” “I do, it’s just, I don’t know I’m out of focus today.” “Yeah.”

Chapter 2

During swim practice I couldn’t help what Lindsey told me. Was it that obvious?

 Both guys are so different. Harry was tall, 5’11, light brown hair and green eyes, Eryon with his tall figure too, but with blond hair and blue eyes. Both boys were alike as well. Same hair style too, long hair that would flip when they shook their head, onto their face into straight pin like shapes.

 Both were very rich yet one is cleaner cut than the other. Harry got his first tattoo at age 15, two years ago. And when he was 14 his parents let him get a snake bite. He gets one tattoo each year. And he has about one inch gages in his ears. He looks old enough to be a college student instead of high school.

Eryon is way different. He’s the guy you could see at a Hollister Store. He had soft skin, that looked untouchable. He was never into tattoos or cool piercings, he was really one of those guys with personality. The both wear the same clothes, but they look good on him in a different way than they do Harry.  

I’d loved them very much, and was happy if either one had asked me out. It seems Harry beat Eryon to it, but I’m still not sure yet. I’m so torn.

Doing lap after lap after lap. I could feel the pain in my side start to burn. Luckily it was the last lap before I could leave. I made sure this one counted, I worked as hard as I could until my body started cramping. That would keep my mind off of Harry and Eryon, I thought to myself.

After showers I was walking with Lindsey to the car when I saw Eryon’s car parked next to it. It was one of those Hydrogen Fuel cell cars. They just got on the market about a week ago when he showed it to me. It was burgundy and had that new car scent. “Hop in!” he said. Lindsey and her mom looked concerned. “Are you sure you’re allowed to go Charlie? I usually drop you at home.” Lorrie, Lin’s mom, was always voluntarily doing things for me. For instance now, if ever needed a ride, she’d take me and Lindsey anywhere and buy us things too. “I’m fine, I’ll call my mother on the road, she won’t mind if I get in later. Don’t worry,” I reassured her, “ I’ll see you tomorrow Lindsey, by Lorrie!”  “Bye, be safe!” with that Lindsey gave a quick snort.

“Free at last,” he said as we pulled away from the fitness center. “Haha, I thought we were free when the bell rang?” “Oh no, I was free, you still had swimming. So now we are free of adults for awhile,” he said.   “Yes we are,” I quickly got my phone out, “I need to call Harry, okay?” He nodded.

Ring. Ring. Ring. “Hello?” the other line said. “Hi Harry,” I started. “Oh Hi Charlie, how was swim practice?” “It was great, worked really hard today it felt nice. How are you doing?” “Oh I’m fine. Thought I’d catch up on my eating, it’s been awhile since I’ve done that.” “Did you eat breakfast?” I asked, since I knew we hadn’t eaten lunch today because we were, well doing something that doesn’t involve food.  “Kind of, I had like just one piece of toast.” “Okay, well good that you’re eating, but please tell me you’re not attempting to cook,” I said in a stressed voice. Eryon smirked when I said that. Harry was, to be honest, the worst cook on the entire planet. He burned Easy Mac. So now he just eats food cold or waits for someone to cook for him. “No, I’m not; the maid said she left me some chicken in the fridge so I’m eating that in a bit. Don’t panic, I won’t burn the house down. I won’t even touch the microwave.” I would always come over and make something up for him but since tonight I had a planned evening it worried me that he might starve till morning. “Well okay, I have to go, we’re at the movies, I’ll talk to you later kay?” “Kay, byee” I snapped the phone shut and we headed into the movies.

We walked to our seats which Eryon said the best way to watch an action movie is to see the full view. We went to the top of the theatre. He had the popcorn and giant slushy and I carried two packs of Twizzlers. For the past year, Eryon and I have always gotten two packs of Twizzlers at movies. We would popcorn and Twizz at the same time. Salty and sweet.  The movie started and we dug into our snacks when I noticed his knee resting on mine.

  "Honey? Wake up, it's time for school." I glanced at the clock. 7:30. I let out a grown and heard mom say something about leaving me poptarts on the counter, and that she'll be late tonight for something. "If you need anything you can go over to the neighbors." She then kissed me on the head and left.
 A Few minutes later i was still half asleep in bed when i remembered that it was Friday. I then got up and got ready for school. I was done by 8:00. Since I had at least 15 minutes before I had to leave for the bus i ate my breakfast slowly and get ahead on my homework.
 By 8:10 I had finished my food and wrote a one page essay for my health class. Out of nowhere I heard a knock on the door. With my glasses still on I opened the door to see a happy face," I didn't know you wore glasses too. We have the same frames!" "Hi Ryan," I said sleepily.  "Hi," he said with a grin. I opened the door all the way and motioned him in. He nodded and came inside. "You hungry, I'm sure I have food somewhere," i asked. "uh, no thanks I wasn't hungry this morning." When he said this it made me suspicious. Nervous? Ryan? I then blurted out, "Why do you seem nervous? What's wrong? You ca tell me! Who would I tell? I don't have many friends here and what? I've known you like three months? Come on just tell me."
 "...And one week," when he said that everything turned silent.
 After what seemed like an hour I noticed we were closer than normal. He finally said, “Ready for school?" It took me a minute to realize he was talking to me. I whispered, "Yeah." I grabbed my books and we walked out the door to the bus stop.

Ryan.

"Hey Ryan! Wait up." I turned around and saw Roger, "Hey," I said quietly. "So did you ask her?" I shook my head. "I chickened out." He Just stared at me, "You? Of all people chickened out!? Are you okay? I mean you're the one that will spit gum on the ceiling and not get caught. The one all the girls kill to have. How could you possibly chicken out!?" He was practically yelling at me when he said this. I then blurted out, "what if she doesn't want me to be her boyfriend? She might just want me to be her friend. She could want to stay single too. She could like someone else!" Roger just stared at me and said, "Ryan, you're such an idiot! I know her, she's my friend too you know. The way you two look at each other when the other isn't looking, i can tell. Just ask her damnit! Would you like me to find out if you're clear for landing?" he asked. I nodded. "okay, I'll let you know tonight. You really like her don't you?" "Yeah, I do."